It's the most wonderful time of the year

Ahhh college applications are done,  finished on the 22 of December. Winter break is here and some of my friends already know where they're going. On December 15 three of my friends found out that they are Cornelians. Yes, that's right they are heading to Cornell, an ivy league school celebrated for its academic standing. It's pretty exciting even if you're not going.

Right now I'm in London town! Yeah, England, but not just fish & chips, Big Ben and all that. I've seen St. Paul, Westminster, Tower bridge which people commonly mistake as the London bridge, Hyde Park,the Gerkin,went on the London eye, dined at the top of OXO tower, all of this was AMAZING. I've been to London before when I was younger but now this place is more rememberable. I've also learned to mind the gap, squeeze myself between people during the night rush in the tube. I love this city, there is so much to do, eat, and see. I just need the accent to fit in, I guess. Well next time i'll load some picks, hope you had a fantastic holiday. 

Isn't it the most wonderful time of the year?
Have a happy new year despite the coldness in the world.

This college business

I like the millions of other teenagers, am applying for higher education. I can't believe I'm here at this point, a senior in high school and on my way to be more independent. Now for me this is great, a chance to be my own self, but I've quickly come to realize how mortal my parents and family are, this is my greatest fear. Knowing that as I begin my life their lives are slowing reaching their end. Great how am I supposed to balance this worry and the worry of getting accepted. I need to stop thinking, this is what I do exactly but there will be a time when there will be much thinking about things....yeah I know I'm vague, but there are so many specifics that I can't tell.It's burdening. So I should think optimistically, but then where's the fun in always being happy. Oh and I might not have enough cash for college, hello one of my top-choice colleges costs 45,000 per year, I only have 40,000 saved up. I need to either sell my stuff and my art or go to a 3rd or 4th choice college. Sigh.....

Is there any hope..no none at all because I've forseen my future

I just found out the most dreadful thing today. I had an Epiphany; I will never be good enough, I'm always second-best, I'll never get what I want. So what in life do I have to look forward too?
I've been the first born but my sibling is still the genius, I've made new friends...but they've always seemed to have better friends. I've gotten the highest grades I possibly could, but it's never good enough, I've always been the second choice to positions. If you had to pick a partner from two of your friends you'd probably not choose me. What's wrong with me? I'm kind-of pretty at least that's what some people have said, and I may be a bit chubby, but how come there are other people who I consider uglier on the inside and out, that still get the best friend, while I'm sidelined, with supposedly nothing to offer. Sure I've had good times with friends, I'm not a total loner , but there has been a pattern that I have seen where I don't get what I want because I'm always second. I've never been invited to parties of supposed friends even though I say hi with a smile make them laugh or comfort them when they're sad. I feel like a tool. Just use me when you need to and leave me when you're done.
I desperately want to go to the college of my choice, in Boston of course...but I feel I won't get in because of my previous pitfalls of being second or none. I do so many things to help others but I've never received any kind of true validation. Even if I don't get it I'll still keep doing what I do but there still will be a part of me that feels missing and cold. You'll never feel the way I do.

Listening to whatever Benjamin E. Morsberger and Moving Mountains play