I just found out the most dreadful thing today. I had an Epiphany; I will never be good enough, I'm always second-best, I'll never get what I want. So what in life do I have to look forward too?
I've been the first born but my sibling is still the genius, I've made new friends...but they've always seemed to have better friends. I've gotten the highest grades I possibly could, but it's never good enough, I've always been the second choice to positions. If you had to pick a partner from two of your friends you'd probably not choose me. What's wrong with me? I'm kind-of pretty at least that's what some people have said, and I may be a bit chubby, but how come there are other people who I consider uglier on the inside and out, that still get the best friend, while I'm sidelined, with supposedly nothing to offer. Sure I've had good times with friends, I'm not a total loner , but there has been a pattern that I have seen where I don't get what I want because I'm always second. I've never been invited to parties of supposed friends even though I say hi with a smile make them laugh or comfort them when they're sad. I feel like a tool. Just use me when you need to and leave me when you're done.
I desperately want to go to the college of my choice, in Boston of course...but I feel I won't get in because of my previous pitfalls of being second or none. I do so many things to help others but I've never received any kind of true validation. Even if I don't get it I'll still keep doing what I do but there still will be a part of me that feels missing and cold. You'll never feel the way I do.
Listening to whatever Benjamin E. Morsberger and Moving Mountains play
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