Creative Living

WELL, I should just put it down right now.

Before I forget. Before I don't want to anymore. Before the moment escapes me.

And maybe I'll post about the past soon.

But for now...

To Live a Creative Life:

(A writing based on listening to the first part of Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic). 

(Of which I've finally sat down and listened to after sitting idle in my audible library for a couple years, but it seems the wait was purposeful because I'm at a place and time in my life that I can relate to and enact these changes).

In this certainly uncertain, sad, life-changing, history-has-yet-again-repeated, TIME, I am allowed to re-evaluate my life.

It IS selfish to think that this time was made for me to account for my life thus far. But amongst the backdrop of struggle and with the privilege of good circumstance, I can re-adjust my life.

There were barriers to my "creative living".

My job, my mindset, the time.

There are still distractions that pull me away from the endeavor. But the pang of not-doing tugs me back to my path.

Ah yes, it may be "safer" to hide my creativity, scared to share my "treasures" or in my own words -"sacred sensitive thoughts". But if I live "safely" I will resent it, with questions and "what-ifs" running through my head.

These barriers are now either silent or quieter.

Like Gilbert's ice-skating-at-40-years-old friend, I can now submerge myself in THE THING that brings value to my life. 

Music.

Plus, I've gained the perspective and active intention of wanting to live the way I want.

Yes, it takes courage, which I try to gather and gain in every moment, to form and free my feelings in the cold, hard world.

Fear of sharing, of letting your thoughts out there-bare and raw, with no explanation, or one that may not be easily explained, is scary. BUT not following through on your dreams is the actual failure or grief.

Following your fear will not protect you. But live alongside it. Use it to fuel you.

Creativity is uncertain per Gilbert, and fear is a result of uncertainty or all about avoiding this uncertainty.

When I was at the beginning of my first job, I had lots of fear. That's typical of course. Especially with a patient coming in with an unknown or vague diagnosis, I was fearful of if I'll do things right or not. 

IF.

If I'll do it right, because of the uncertainty of it all I might fail.

So what if I fail?

I could still keep trying-And I did and gained more experience. If things didn't go right the first time then well, say "okay", move on, learn, and keep trying.

Now later on I did become comfortable, almost automatic in the way I did things. Working with kids though still kept me on my toes, literally. 

But I was still fearful of becoming TOO comfortable. It leads to stagnation and being fine with the way things are, and not re-thinking every so often; you could make a mistake. Protocols are well and good but it can PAY to be uncertain. Being on your toes will keep you sharp, still questioning, evaluating, to do it better.

Along the lines of Gilbert's thinking, one of my professors imparted similar wisdom upon me about fear; don't eliminate it. Live alongside it. If you aren't a little bit nervous (a result of fear and maybe even caring) then you've lost the game. Meaning you've settled in and got too comfortable-stagnant. You need to get out of that! Shake yourself, change it up. 

Keep learning and growing, there might be an ever-changing situation afoot that needs new thinking and doing.

Do I sound like an adult now?

From where I've been to where I'm going.

I still feel like a kid some days. I'm still uncertain about many things.