Maybe I have not found someone because I don't want anyone to take me off my path

It's juvinille thinking but maybe no one saw me or wanted to be with me because 1/ I don't put myself out there 2/ I'm ugly(or not societally/conventionally attractive -whatever words you want to use) It's very hard But I've learned to be hyper independent- wow what a buzzword, I don't ask for help, which is good and bad. Although it is difficult living, with no one to take care of you when you're sick with fever, crying alone, no one making you food or taking out the trash when you're recovering after a major surgery, digging your car out of the snow with no respite. I can say I did it by myself. I don't know if that makes me stronger, or more resilent which could help me in later life. But I am also very tired...