It's the most wonderful time of the year

Ahhh college applications are done,  finished on the 22 of December. Winter break is here and some of my friends already know where they're going. On December 15 three of my friends found out that they are Cornelians. Yes, that's right they are heading to Cornell, an ivy league school celebrated for its academic standing. It's pretty exciting even if you're not going.

Right now I'm in London town! Yeah, England, but not just fish & chips, Big Ben and all that. I've seen St. Paul, Westminster, Tower bridge which people commonly mistake as the London bridge, Hyde Park,the Gerkin,went on the London eye, dined at the top of OXO tower, all of this was AMAZING. I've been to London before when I was younger but now this place is more rememberable. I've also learned to mind the gap, squeeze myself between people during the night rush in the tube. I love this city, there is so much to do, eat, and see. I just need the accent to fit in, I guess. Well next time i'll load some picks, hope you had a fantastic holiday. 

Isn't it the most wonderful time of the year?
Have a happy new year despite the coldness in the world.

This college business

I like the millions of other teenagers, am applying for higher education. I can't believe I'm here at this point, a senior in high school and on my way to be more independent. Now for me this is great, a chance to be my own self, but I've quickly come to realize how mortal my parents and family are, this is my greatest fear. Knowing that as I begin my life their lives are slowing reaching their end. Great how am I supposed to balance this worry and the worry of getting accepted. I need to stop thinking, this is what I do exactly but there will be a time when there will be much thinking about things....yeah I know I'm vague, but there are so many specifics that I can't tell.It's burdening. So I should think optimistically, but then where's the fun in always being happy. Oh and I might not have enough cash for college, hello one of my top-choice colleges costs 45,000 per year, I only have 40,000 saved up. I need to either sell my stuff and my art or go to a 3rd or 4th choice college. Sigh.....

Is there any hope..no none at all because I've forseen my future

I just found out the most dreadful thing today. I had an Epiphany; I will never be good enough, I'm always second-best, I'll never get what I want. So what in life do I have to look forward too?
I've been the first born but my sibling is still the genius, I've made new friends...but they've always seemed to have better friends. I've gotten the highest grades I possibly could, but it's never good enough, I've always been the second choice to positions. If you had to pick a partner from two of your friends you'd probably not choose me. What's wrong with me? I'm kind-of pretty at least that's what some people have said, and I may be a bit chubby, but how come there are other people who I consider uglier on the inside and out, that still get the best friend, while I'm sidelined, with supposedly nothing to offer. Sure I've had good times with friends, I'm not a total loner , but there has been a pattern that I have seen where I don't get what I want because I'm always second. I've never been invited to parties of supposed friends even though I say hi with a smile make them laugh or comfort them when they're sad. I feel like a tool. Just use me when you need to and leave me when you're done.
I desperately want to go to the college of my choice, in Boston of course...but I feel I won't get in because of my previous pitfalls of being second or none. I do so many things to help others but I've never received any kind of true validation. Even if I don't get it I'll still keep doing what I do but there still will be a part of me that feels missing and cold. You'll never feel the way I do.

Listening to whatever Benjamin E. Morsberger and Moving Mountains play

So...november

A new month( although this post is at the end of it), a new president, the last birthday at home, my city being torn.

With the start of November the USA gained its first Hawaiian President. Yes, we've come this far. OK queue the hushed laughter to this bad joke. So anyway America will have its first African-American President. I knew I would see this moment but I never imagined how unique his story would be like. The Audacity of Hope was held up by one of my classmates two years ago during the boy's book report. It was by Barack Obama, the man who inspires people with his story of perseverance. I can't wait until 2009 to see how he will help the economy, reach out to other countries, and to control the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. He brings not only change but also hope.

Now recently I just turned 17 (my last birthday that I will spend with my family because next year I'm going to college). Yuck I mean this not as a disgusting thing but it's my gut reaction to being here a little bit longer on Earth. It signals that I'm one step away from being an adult. As someone anonymous has said "growing old is inevitable but growing up is optional". So I am a bit childish with my friends and family. I add my classic crazy humor. But I do show a contrast I am very mature when dealing with conflicts and arguments. I'm like a pilot when it comes to talking, I sometimes talk about something straight on or ramble and swerve about it trying to find a direction in that topic. All the while still being calm and courteous to passengers or in my case teachers and strangers. So I've rambled on too much but my birthday was hectic, I felt like I ran a business!

So I was calling people to watch a movie at the mall, two people could come but five people couldn't, my best friend initially couldn't but upon realizing that it was my birthday she came. There was a slight hectic funny moment. I was at the mall with my family for dinner and during this time I called my friend to tell her the time and location of the movie. She was about to answer when suddenly my mom's phone was ringing I precipitately answered it. So two phones on and a big problem. Not wanting to make each person wait I tried telling one friend that I would call her back later but the other friend heard me, so both hung up. I straightened things out at the end but it was comical to see me talk with a phone on each side of my head.

Oh and really bad transition here but on a dreadful note my parent's native city and the place that I've been going to for the past couple of summers, was attacked by terrorists. The Taj Mahal hotel, The Oberoi Hotel, the Nairman or Chabad (Jewish) House, a gas station in Colaba (I was just there this summer with my cousins!), Cafe Leopold, and the Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminal (CST) Railway Station in MUMBAI were all attacked. It's so surreal that these places in South (downtown) Mumbai were attacked, places that I went to. It's devastating these gunmen killed about 190 people with around 300 injured, but soon there might be even more of a decrease in injured, their numbers transferring to those killed. I can no more say what others have said about this terrorism attack. Violence isn't the answer, for the terrorists it was, but it never prevails. The world doesn't deserve this. The Earth has had too many atrocities on its back. People and Countries can rebound but can the Earth rebound when grenades and guns tear its skin?
Listening to Full Moon by The Black Ghosts

Another day at The Office

Hearing the rings of the telephones, hushed voices, and the sounds of paper being dropped down on the desk put me in the atmosphere of an office. The sounds from a childish boss, the angry voice of an obnoxious employee and hushed laughter of a cute duo all reminf me of The Office. No laugh tracks, no

My office is school and all I want to do is go to college sure it will be hard but I can't take this high school shit.

I'm not doing too well in physics honors and Spanish 6, notice the level of these subjects.

TV helps me numb my mind, especially shows like The Office (endorsement anyone?)

One episode was called Diwali, how Kelly (the ditsy Indian) invites all her coworkers to this Diwali party and it is so nonreligious and even though I'm all for nonreligious parties, this party was full of American Indian stereotypes that it should've had some culture in it, which it didn't because it only included dancing, hushed laughter,school girl banter, and of course Kelly's parent's asking if Ryan had a good job thinking that he might possibly marry Kelly (ha ha yeah right!) So this is my kind of Diwali:

October 25 was Diwali, (festival of lights, symbolizes good triumphing over evil) so at home my family did some prayers, and to tell you the truth I'm not religious so it was just a formality for me. I have morals and all I just don't believe in a higher power, well i sort of do but whenever I do and I start to think that maybe existence isn't just some fluke. Well later future events negate that whole existence of God. Sometimes I think that people are walking god complexes, in charge of their destiny, not some deity from beyond. I think there are spirits but I'm not superstitious. Oh sorry now I'm digressing. So on November 1st our temple will have its Diwali with food prayers and fireworks! see how uncultured and nonreligious I am, I'm basically looking forward to the fireworks (and taking pictures!). I'm bad, but all I want to do is do it my way, the fun way, the who cares? selfish way, is that wrong? (yes it is)

listening to:

Sheryl Crow

All I want to do is have some fun

Everything's just wonderful

Contrary to the title, everything is not all bright and peachy. The world has seen many troubles and I'm sorry I have to be so down in the dirt. So you've must have heard that the US economy is rusting. I guess it needs more oil! Yet gas prices are actually going down... it must be the fuel efficient cars and the saying "we should be more energy efficient and not rely on big bad foreign oil" well although that saying holds true except for the big bad part, I do think our economy has gone BEAR wild. With the housing/ mortgage crisis, a financial bailout (which I hope will work) oh AND America has a new department : The Dept. of Financial Stability...WOW! Today stock prices have gone down throughout the world, and investors have shed tears behind their computers. But its not only finances that the world is having trouble with, their are many political troubles- like Georgia being invaded by prideful Russia, now this conflict may seem good versus bad but that isn't true. Both Georgia and Russia have committed mistakes. In another part of the world Darfur,Sudan
hasn't gotten enough attention, brothers and sisters, mothers, babies, misguided boys are still dying. Why is it so hard to be "nice", this generic word hopefully shows you that the world should be simple, but it will never be. I'm a senior in high school right now, and just as I am about to head out into the world, the world has become more sinister and dangerous. Talk about bad timing.
I really hope before I graduate things will work itself out. I'll still keep working harder and helping others. I know that NOW is the TIME to UNITE and make peace, when there's an intermediate balance I hope everything will be wonderful.
song-"Give a little bit" Supertramp

oh the woes...

All i want to do is. bang. bang. bang...



I'm just waiting here in the library... I can't believe I can access this page even with the many blocks the school puts in place on the internet. They even blocked wikipedia.

I just got on the school's website and amid the conflict involving the transfer of two highschool teachers because of a harrassment problems, the school district released a redacted report of the social studies culture climate report. A Human Resources consultant interviewed teachers based on sexual harrassment charges being brought up. This story has received local news coverage. Many past and present students have also stood up against the board of education's decision to transfer the two teachers to the middle school. It was an extraordinary scene, on youtube I saw the board meeting involving the transfer decision, with hundreds of students cramming into the half dance studio half conference room. During the whole debacle some parents and students even chanted shame at the board members and at the superintendent. It got so outlandish that the board momentarily left the room to discuss the situation. As a student seeing some of my classmates at the meeting which was covered by all the local news stations, I felt like I was in some sort of cliched novel.

School. Conflict. Outraged students and parents. This is the REAL Decision 2008. I dunno, along those lines of a crazy, horribly written novel. One student in particular who I personally know decided to stand up for these teachers. Raise his voice inorder to get the attention that this issue needed.

I was baffled. How could a student, who barely knows the teachers involved in the transfer and who doesn't know the whole story, get involved so full-heartedly. It disgusted me because this wasn't HIS battle. It was the teachers. And the students should support the teachers and not blindly protest because it sounds cool.

The result is in. The board will go through with their decision to transfer the two teachers to the middlr school, resulting in two middle school teachers coming to the high school. ~Oh whoa this is how my school is so~



Listening to: M.I.A.

Paper Planes

I'm party - deprived...send me to a club!

After school I went to the hospital, it's my second day there. I came at around eleven twenty and it started to drizzle. After I got to my department I could hear the rain pounding hard and say the cloudy gray sky. Another storm, and there have been so many this week, almost everyday since Monday. The Hospital staff was buzzin'; wishing that the sun would come out and chase away the gray stormy day.
It did.
At the end of my 5-hour shift I waited for my mom to pick me up. I thought I saw her silver van but it wasn't the one and I mistakenly went outside. Gloriously it was a bright warm day. And as I waited the most splenderiferous thing happened.. I say a monarch butterfly. Unusual, because it was a small burst of orange and black among the cement and dark gray road. It just fluttered away. And that made my day better after the work I had done in Patient care and in Medical Records.

Yesterday I also found this new blog-http://natalicious-style.net/ I think the author is from Norway. Anyways it's a really cute site about fashion and includes a bit of music. Her outfits are adorable and I just love all the clothes she posts. She adds her own touch of personality with her pictures and comments. Norway seems like a cool party place. I could really go there right now...I'm in real need of a party...

Screw this! and the grammar!

I hate beginnings, and endings that leave you with more questions than you had in the beginning.

This is the first day of me recording my thoughts.. publicly. And I've had this blog for awhile, since December of 2007. Even in boredom I didn't want to blog. But that has since changed. I think it's time for one big fat change. Starting today I'm trying to take control of my life. I can't say how but I feel today is the day. Today I've done more stuff than the past days of summer.
I went to summer school for Health- not because I failed, although I do feel like a delinquent, but because I have to take this required credit to graduate. So after school I went to the hospital to volunteer for about three hours. Most of the departments didn't need any help except the endoscopy dept. and ugg I had to do PAPERWORK. I wanted to go to a dept. with a little more action...ICU? But I kept a smile on my face, adopted a light, courteous voice and did the work. It wasn't bad, it was just boring.
So... for some reason I had my mind set on doing this blog.
Now this blog is going to be written in stream of consciousness because it's the easiest way for me to put down my words. And this writing is for me, it's selfish but screw it! I don't care.
Oh and yes I'm a teenager so that's probably why I sound so angst-y ... maybe I shouldn't say that or people well above my age might try to contact me. Even though there are people well above my age in my grade- I went to pres-school early. Yeesh I blab alot.
So let me just get on track. Before I went to the hospital I went to the library in my school. I just browsed through the fiction sections from A to P in the library. Now my friend recommended me this certain book that I've already known about. It's called Born Confused. I am an Indian American and this book was about being an Indian American. The back cover info on it separated it from the other Indian American novels like the infamous How Opal Mehta got kissed, got wild, and got a life(sure the plagarism was bad but the plot was overkill) or something around that title. Born Confused is a bit like The Namesake in heritage. BC is about a girl born in America with Indian parents, and her struggle with identity. She is too American to be Indian and too Indian to be American. that is exactly how I feel. Confused about who I am and whether or not if I would fit in. In America I look so different but I, of course, talk and act like my peers, but my appearance allows others to stereotype me, which is always inescapable, it will always occur. And in India I can blend in but even the subtlest thing I do can reveal that I'm an American. When I stand at a bus stop surrounded by other Indians, I feel like I'm a white American, but in America I feel like a dusky-looking Indian girl. I want to read this book even though I first passed it by, I think now I see it in a different light. So in the library I picked this book up just to browse and I found a card that I knew belonged to my friend's mother. It was my friend's temporary book mark. She hadn't finished the book. And soon I'll be starting it. Goodness I hope I finish it. But I put the book back in it's place, so when I come to the library again I could ponder some more about the past borrowers and dive into the book, with a bit more caffeine in my body, after all it is a looong book.

By the way...so what if all I put down wasn't connected it's still verry long. Gosh I'm still wondering about who I am... sometimes I wish I belonged to a rich WASP family, living in Manhattan and going to a private school, with a family tree and everything. Ugg I left with more questions now than at the beginning. Why?